I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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