The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
