if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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