i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
