someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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