i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
