you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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