Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
