Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize