Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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