He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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