kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I want to fling myself into the sun
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
