I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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