We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Well I just put wine in my tea
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
