take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
