she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
