Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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