yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
