I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
