First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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