i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
