oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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