After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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