I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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