You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
