wanna go halves on a baby?
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
