Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
