I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize