Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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