I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize