you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
