someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
