u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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