Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
