my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
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