i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
