What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
