apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
