you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Randomize
