No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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