As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
