she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
