im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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