Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
