she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
