I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
