What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
