This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
whose parrot is this?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
