the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize