last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
