Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Did I show you my penis last night?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
