im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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