TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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