I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
