p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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