she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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