Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize