What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
