So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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