After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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