i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
