I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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