I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
