1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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