The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
