Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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