We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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