we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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